Holiday Decor... A slippery slope

So I'm waiting on my girls to get here for bible study and thought I simply must do my daily blog update... I exaggerate.

I thought today that I feel alot like the woman in the Bible who just needed to touch the hem of Jesus' cloak and she just knew she would be healed. Or maybe she didn't know and she thought, any little shred of grace I can find is enough. She was afraid of him, awed by him and completely desperate for a Savior and she met one who loved her dearly, had deep patience with her and wanted her to be better.

I get migraines (can't spell them half the time, but I get them) and I just have a really hard time stopping to deal with them until they are fully fledged and making me a grump. I can be supremely grumpy when given the least of a chance and I sometimes stop myself and think: "Do you see your life? Look how special life is on a day to day basis. Take note of the women God has placed in your life and how dear it is to get to ask them questions, listen to them and somehow share a little smidge of what I'm learning". Still, I can be a little huffy and needy. We all can I guess.

My biggest prayer these days is that I would live with joy and open my heart wide to experience every moment as a gift. I know you're harkening Helen Steiner Rice arn't you? I'll try and put the edge back on...

I've already decorated for Christmas in my town house (no edge yet) and it occured to me at 7pm tonight when I was toasting pecans, wearing a too big sweater and flannel pajama pants with Smoky Mountain Christmas CD on volume 20 that I might look a little crazy. In fact, I might be a little crazy this year. I've like skipped Thanksgiving and gone straight for the Pine Valley Candle and have thought about the word "parsnip" for longer than two minutes which no one does.

I made Bobby sing "Silver Bells" on the phone a couple of nights ago.

No edge yet...

But speaking of edginess- this just in in hair care- I bet my beautiful Katie C. Deese could wow us with her modern, manic, walk on the wild side, bangs and bob! She can pull off anything.

It's 8:30 and my girls still aren't here... I'm sad about it, but everybody's schedule is crazy. I just don't want to waste time that I get with them. I know God will provide more time later though!!!

Tyra and Other thoughts

I'm planning to watch tv for a while. I have to make myself do this, because it turns out that I do in fact take it very very seriously. One episode of Army Wives can make me cry, think about each character's salvation (I'm not kidding), and pray earnestly for the families in Fayetville, NC on base at Fort Bragg. I honestly don't think the writers intended for 45 minutes on air time to push me to such extremes. So now I will commentate on what I'm thinking about a few tv shows:
Tyra Banks: A plus size woman and a regular sized man. They can have a relationship! Shocking. She had to devote a whole hour to bring the world up to date on this fact. I know her intentions are to be enlightening, so that's all I have to say. Also, she gets under my nerves and irritates them.
Curious George: He doesn't talk, he just listens to a narrator and squeaks like a normal monkey. He is actually very intelligent. I can see why evolution was all the rage for so long!
How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days- Favorite movie. However, Andy does do the jeans unzipped and folded down thing that was popular in the 90s. (girls will know what I'm talking about... Bobby won't, which I'm happy about)

I'm back from the far side of the world. No I don't mean China. Just Daytona Beach- so maybe the far side of the moon... or the coast.
Updates of importance:
-Reading In the Name of Jesus by Henri Nouwen (Love it!!)
-Sitting in a hotel in Savannah, haven't gone outside all day and have been holed up introvert style climbing my way through responsibilities and committments and phone calls to I can see the sunlight again. I'm seeing it! Yay.
-Raising Support
- Missing my D group Bekah, Sunshine, Sarah and Niki. I always say their names in that order. I also put them in their room in that order subconsiously. Why did I make it like that I wonder? It has no bearing on how I love them each equally!
- Getting ready to move into a lovely homey townhouse.
-Learning how to cook.

Boo I ain't doing this ish for nothing.

I'm going back to West End for the weekend to celebrate Katie and Jeff; to hang out with Mama Syb and Daddy Nelson and to drive to a party with Laura Williams, my sweet cousin/friend or criend as it's more commonly called. I'm thinking about how to best use my time quite honestly this morning and Thinking Digitally is probably not it. I'm just trying to get more used to it.

I plan on taking no work home with me!!! I will probably see Sawyer and Lily at some point. I adore their little family. Sawyer is a nine year old man and Lily is my sugar who wears formal "flowergirl dresses from Bride's Ect." any time there is a special occasion or just church. I love them both and want to clone them for my own one day soon. (Is that wierd?) It's just a symbol of affection and respect for their family of course. I love Sawyer because he's matter of fact. Like for instance:
Me driving him sitting in the back with his seat belt on:"I jumped into the Haw River at midnight one night with a bunch of my friends."
Sawyer: "What?? That's crazy. Were their boys there?"
Me: "Well yes. Just some of my friends."
Sawyer: "Eveybody better hope I don't see the boys that made you do that. I'll fight them."
Me: "Well I chose to jump; they didn't make me honey."
Sawyer: "I can't believe they did that. They should have protected you better. If I'd a been there, their ain't no way you would have been getting in any tree and jumping."
Me: "Thanks Buddy. That makes me feel good" I kind of wanted to say, "Yes sir, I'll never do that again I promise".

We celebrated my Ashley Harton last night with the all star cast of Kate, Jeanette, Ashley, Erin Coomer, Me and Erin Coltrane. I love them and the night was maybe a favorite of mine for the entire semester. Cooms provided the entertainment with stories from her youth and her soft ball team; her high school life and her freshmen year in Alpha Chi and the middle of the road. Ask her about it sometime... We sat next to the Wes, Tyler and the other players I can't name at Wine Bar. A picture was taken of me, J and Kate that zoomed in to Tyler, the unsuspecting victim! Bobby sent them a "Go Kansas" message that I didn't relay at all. I love Ashley and in fact I love Chapel Hill today. Holla Back.

Speaking of Hollering back, I've recently been morphing into Ghetto Fabolousness at every turn. In my dream last night Bobby and I sang "I'm Real" by J Lo and Ja Rule to each other while riding in a stretch escalade (a not so distant memory) with a bunch of people. Then I commented, "This song always makes me cry." and Bobby started also crying then Ashley Harton looked at him and started to tear up. And the beat played on.
And on and on and on...

It is a glorious day in Carolina. I'm not being melancholy today mainly because I saw Baby Mama last night and officially LOVED it. Kate and I just walked down to the little lake where we decided we felt safe and secure.... UNTIL we began a small discussion about a black snake she recently saw from her porch. Thus began my chronicle of the black snake that tortured me mercilessly last summer in West End (the flower bed, the driveway, the carport, the porch and the pool house... not kidding around). Then we discussed how they were "cursed creatures, crushed by Jesus' heel, silent deadly predators". Still we're reclining in the sun and a small fly lands on Kates arm. We scream and jump up... "Perhaps," says Kate, "We worked ourselves into a complete and utter frenzy". So the safe secure pond has suddenly become full of snakes and broods of vipers. Yep.

What I was saying was

I have got to start writing again...Like maybe this afternoon. Yes that's what I'll do. I am just sitting in front of my computer contemplating making Sybby Belle a witty character and the pressure that's attached to that. I will make her decidedly dumb instead. (Poor thing) I officially reneg all rights that I've ever clamored for to be the least bit of a "smarty-pants" (brother in law Brett would like the wordchoice). I can't really purposely make my character stupid. How unfair. Her life could have so much more of an impact otherwise. I'll reconsider.

I formally apologize for the lack of blogging for 2008, and 2006 for that matter. I am going to try harder. I think it really is by works that I'm made right in the blogging world.

So here is the update.
*I was the most introverted little grasshopper ever last weekend; I loved it and cried only once. That may be a record. I am currently sitting in my apartment checking on computer stuff. I led prayer for the staff team this morning. It was all about leading out of an understanding that all we have to do is rejoice that our names are written in Heaven. Not leading out of a need to validate ourselves as people with worthy things to say or to have power. Our "selfness" gets in the way so much. I loved the sermon, but ironically enough I couldn't shake the questions inside my head, "Is this sermon applicable? Significant? Because I hope so, since it reflects me since I'm leading..." I'm thankful that the Lord sees the heart of things, we are known by him completely and just seriously loves me like his little girl.
*Listening to Patty Griffin- she makes me feel soulful and like I should be on a date. (Interesting that I would equate being soulful with dating. I'll explore that concept more later if I think it matters.)
*I've almost been out of college for one year. (Please audibly gasp) I can't believe it's been that long and yet it seems like a whole lifetime ago. That is a tad extreme. Maybe not an entire lifetime, but a quarter of a century. I am warming up to change. It actually is healthy. I do miss my friends though.
*I'm going to Nashville this weekend to see about a boy.
*I still like coffee even though I questioned it for a weekend.
*I'm reading a book about surrendering dangerously called "Dangerous Surrender".
*Pet Peeve- Sleeves that get wet when you wash your hands or socks that soak up water on the bathroom floor after you've taken a shower an hour before.
*I'm going to bake a strawberry cake for a dessert tomorrow night.
*Project clean my house is about to begin!

Well it

Update in the truest sense yet-

I'm back into life in Chapel Hill. This is quick, because I have to do it for training for crusade. Currently, I'm in the health sciences library with supporter Ashley Harris Beecham who I'm profoundly fond of along with her husband Gary. She's majoring in Biostatistics at UNC grad school. I am pretending to also be a biostat/stat student for the time I'm here. I felt a gradual mood shift when I started the process though and so I had to reaffirm my real identity by writing this blog.

I'm just really desiring to be faithful to my calling and ministry here. I want to do this well and also, I have to resume writing novel/short story endeavors. I think it's a matter of being obedient and being a good steward of my resources.

For Crusade:
When students don't respond like I hoped for...I tend to first think I didn't do something well. I am realizing though that everyone is just human and I'm thankful for that. People can't be controlled and I never want to be a manager of others. I am relaxing and praising the Lord for the fruit that comes and will come with letting Him live through me. I can't do so much that Jesus can- Right Andy?

When I look at my staff account balance and contributions, I feel a mixture of relief and questions about next year and reinterning. I'm thankful so many people have been so faithful to this vision and mission.

Okay, That's all for right now. I'll have more interesting musings later on. For instance: Are black rasberries, like on my handsoap label, really just blackberries? Also, more to come in terms of Ruth Moose and my desperate love for the awesomeness that is her.