What I was saying was

I have got to start writing again...Like maybe this afternoon. Yes that's what I'll do. I am just sitting in front of my computer contemplating making Sybby Belle a witty character and the pressure that's attached to that. I will make her decidedly dumb instead. (Poor thing) I officially reneg all rights that I've ever clamored for to be the least bit of a "smarty-pants" (brother in law Brett would like the wordchoice). I can't really purposely make my character stupid. How unfair. Her life could have so much more of an impact otherwise. I'll reconsider.

I formally apologize for the lack of blogging for 2008, and 2006 for that matter. I am going to try harder. I think it really is by works that I'm made right in the blogging world.

So here is the update.
*I was the most introverted little grasshopper ever last weekend; I loved it and cried only once. That may be a record. I am currently sitting in my apartment checking on computer stuff. I led prayer for the staff team this morning. It was all about leading out of an understanding that all we have to do is rejoice that our names are written in Heaven. Not leading out of a need to validate ourselves as people with worthy things to say or to have power. Our "selfness" gets in the way so much. I loved the sermon, but ironically enough I couldn't shake the questions inside my head, "Is this sermon applicable? Significant? Because I hope so, since it reflects me since I'm leading..." I'm thankful that the Lord sees the heart of things, we are known by him completely and just seriously loves me like his little girl.
*Listening to Patty Griffin- she makes me feel soulful and like I should be on a date. (Interesting that I would equate being soulful with dating. I'll explore that concept more later if I think it matters.)
*I've almost been out of college for one year. (Please audibly gasp) I can't believe it's been that long and yet it seems like a whole lifetime ago. That is a tad extreme. Maybe not an entire lifetime, but a quarter of a century. I am warming up to change. It actually is healthy. I do miss my friends though.
*I'm going to Nashville this weekend to see about a boy.
*I still like coffee even though I questioned it for a weekend.
*I'm reading a book about surrendering dangerously called "Dangerous Surrender".
*Pet Peeve- Sleeves that get wet when you wash your hands or socks that soak up water on the bathroom floor after you've taken a shower an hour before.
*I'm going to bake a strawberry cake for a dessert tomorrow night.
*Project clean my house is about to begin!

Well it

Update in the truest sense yet-

I'm back into life in Chapel Hill. This is quick, because I have to do it for training for crusade. Currently, I'm in the health sciences library with supporter Ashley Harris Beecham who I'm profoundly fond of along with her husband Gary. She's majoring in Biostatistics at UNC grad school. I am pretending to also be a biostat/stat student for the time I'm here. I felt a gradual mood shift when I started the process though and so I had to reaffirm my real identity by writing this blog.

I'm just really desiring to be faithful to my calling and ministry here. I want to do this well and also, I have to resume writing novel/short story endeavors. I think it's a matter of being obedient and being a good steward of my resources.

For Crusade:
When students don't respond like I hoped for...I tend to first think I didn't do something well. I am realizing though that everyone is just human and I'm thankful for that. People can't be controlled and I never want to be a manager of others. I am relaxing and praising the Lord for the fruit that comes and will come with letting Him live through me. I can't do so much that Jesus can- Right Andy?

When I look at my staff account balance and contributions, I feel a mixture of relief and questions about next year and reinterning. I'm thankful so many people have been so faithful to this vision and mission.

Okay, That's all for right now. I'll have more interesting musings later on. For instance: Are black rasberries, like on my handsoap label, really just blackberries? Also, more to come in terms of Ruth Moose and my desperate love for the awesomeness that is her.

Lies are like snowflakes; they're all unique.

Back in Chapel Hill and currently talking about what it would be like to be athletic rock climbers while watching Project Runway. Roomate Danielle is being outdoorsy recently and I think she is the perfect blend of lovely and brave. We ate tacos and invited Kate over to be with us. The tacos are strictly tv food.
I visited Kenzie's classroom today to help with her class and lie about the gingerbread man's arrival and subsequent abandonment of her first grade class. I have observed that kids fake being sick all the time. Six year old Shelby pretends she can't breath and kind of light headedly weaves her way to the office to go see the nurse. After lunch she decides she actually can breath but now she has to "frow up" and goes home. A few towns over in Durham in Ms. Linville's Kindergarten room five year old Litzy pretends she's choking and as it turns out she's just holding her breath. When that doesn't work she resorts to also having to "frow up". All in all, they're sweet and probably have alot more going on in their little baby lives that I realize. Either that or they are missing something awesome on Nickelodian and absolutely need to go home. Forget learning to read. I mean I lied about the Gingerbread man's existence and answered other questions about how elves found Santa. "Did they evolve those pointy ears?" "Did Santa create the elves?" I answered them all quickly and with a straight face: "The pointy ears keep them warm." "They heard about Santa and invited him to the North Pole by building him a castle and workshop." (I'm kidding) I might as well have pretended to be suffering from a concussion or dying from a fatal flare gun blow. Lying about fictional characters being real is just as bad as "frowing up".

Katie, my beautiful blonde cousin with all the sass and that uncanny bling, I want to hear all about the prom party 2007. I hope you read this tonight. It's what I've been doing for the past two hours.

A word from Jenna's "most loyal counterpart and reader"...Katie Deese

I am really bored with Jenna's blog and am always on her case about updating it. Why this is so important to me I will never know. What you have to understand is that Jenna and I talk on the phone on a weekly basis and I know everything that's going on in her life (or at least I think I do). I found out quiet a bit this weekend and in a very outlandish way which is also a special trait of Jenna's! I guess I feel the need to not only hear about her adventures from her mouth but I also wish to read about it on her blog. So, for those of you that are out of touch with Jenna...here is the update of her last few weeks!

Before Thanksgiving she took an amazing trip to a foreign place which I'm not even sure I can mention the name of. Once again, she was on a mission to reach the world through Campus Crusade for Christ!! On this adventure she had one incident with a flight attendant and it taught her a great lesson and made for great table conversation. Next time your out to dinner have little Miss Feisty give you the run down! Trips like this would have been an unimaginable thing for the Jenna of the past. Years ago folks were concerned she might not make it home from school in the afternoons because her sense of directions was not the greatest in the world. I think it's because she is always writing a chapter for a book in her head and her imagination begins to run WILD! I'm sure all of us will one day line up to get the newest release from the series of "can't put them down" novels by Jenna!

Thanksgiving, for Jenna, is always one of the greatest times of the year! She gets to see all her family (which includes me) and have the best food ever! The most special thing about this holiday is not the actual lunch with family but, the incredible evening that follows. The "Ya-Ya" girls of our family have a sleep-over Thanksgiving night! We eat, laugh, talk, pray and dance like fools!!! Yes, I understand, for many of you, the aforementioned sentence seems like an oxymoron and you will never fully understand it unless you see it with your own eyes. The bond we share is so strong and we all look forward to the night all year! Jenna really lets her golden locks down this night!

This weekend Jenna came to HotLanta to see our family. As usual, the weekend was filled with food, laughter, naps and long theological debates with my husband, Cody. We made a trip to a specialty boutique and made a few Christmas purchases. Jenna, as usual, was thinking of others over her own desires when she found a shirt she really liked but was not going to purchase. I stepped up to buy it for her for Christmas and really went overboard with the $5 gift! I expect gratitude for months to come!

The weekend was really special because our cousin, Shane, was baptized! It was a weekend of "redemption" as Jenna continuously remarked! On the way home from church Jenna made an observation that greatly disturbed her thoughts. She noticed that Chick-fil-a (a Christian owned and operated establishment) has a restaurant called "The Dwarf House". She was highly offended especially when she noticed the dwarf entrance! As always Cody, the great debater, was ready to jump on the train and confirmed Jenna's argument by saying "would people be offended if they had a restaurant called the fat house with extra wide doors?" I, on the other hand, made the comment that Jenna is taking life too serious! This conversation continued to present itself throughout the day with the same comments being made over and over again!

I think all of Jenna's devout readers are now totally informed! You all know this was so much better than reading "Starz" or "People". I know these were short stories so if you would like more details you will have to schedule a lunch or "coffee" with the CC staff member/future famous author! Her life depends on networking!! She's great at it!

Kenzie, our other sister (the real one), we missed you! Jenna, when you read this, try not to criticize the grammar and punctuation! If you could live with bad grammar and punctuation we might have more blogs to read! :)

Keep posted for future blogs (small pieces of literary masterpieces) by Jenna!

If I have to "go green" then what color am I now?

So I'm home for Thanksgiving and after having a moment to catch my breath I'm contemplating "Going Green". Like all environmental. I think it's because I watched a "Jon and Kate plus 8" mini marathon with Mama yesterday. They went green and I mean Jesus totally loves the earth. Jesus invented green. I love Jesus so doesn't and shouldn't that affect me? Also, does it matter that Daddy Nelson sells pesticides and farms with them? I mean I'm all about Roundup and those other brands that he's all about. So I don't want to go on a rage against pesticides or farmers. I emphatically love the latter. So this is still something I'm mulling over. It's like excercise, something I start and have awesome intentions with and then forget I'm susposed to be doing it every day and lose the gumption. I hate losing the gumption. So I'm not formally going green. I'm doing it in stages. I'm also joining a gym, but until then maybe I'll just stretch every day and drink water. Yes, these are changes that heal!

I falling back in love with God's word. I am esteeming it above other stuff. Harry Potter included. It's shameful, but there have been times when I chose the boy who lived above life giving words of Christ. I'm reaching a healthy viewpoint. I'm also waiting for the cable man to show up right now. He's late of course and putting my life on hold for a few hours. I had time to think digitally which is nice. I'm thankful for some rest and fires in fireplaces and happy bookstores that are owned by semi friendly Yankees who permit me to ooh and aah over their displays not because I'm cool, but because they want my business. I'm thankful for my best and oldest friend Laura Williams. I percieve our time tonight to include me laying on the ground laughing. The kind of laughing where your body gets all weak and you literally can't stir brownies because you can't stand up. Yes. I've missed it for a while now.

For Katie Deese my most loyal counterpart and reader

I'm writing this and feeling super tired. I've also been using the word "super" excessively which only proves my point. I love my life. I'm doing my job and working out the rest. I think it is kind of vulnerable for me to write this with some weariness attached. I'm not on my A-game; in fact I think I'm bringing in the g-game at around 8:00 tonight for greek life meeting. I start speaking and forget what I've said only moments before. (Lucky for all involved in the blogspot that I'm typing).

I'm so grateful for all of the opportunities I've had recently... New York, Moscow, a brief jaunt to Siberia and Central Asia. It's like "around the world in thirty days minus 15". I'm learning that traveling to distant lands and New York exposes all that is wrong inside my heart and head. Also that I hate when that stuff bubbles to the surface. What a great and humbling spot to be in.
An extreme reliance on coffee ( for which I am supremely grateful) plus one poem dedicated to my hatred of a New York hostel plus a dramatic scuffle with a flight attendant named Teri equals junk that I would much rather cover up with concealer and some mascara. I plan to explain those references in another date and entry.

Mainly, I just need the Lord. I'm so reliant on him because I haven't even had time to really feel anything in the last month. I'm thankful that Jesus knows me and all that I need. I love Hebrews. He has provided real heart rest and I just want to serve him in joy and without anxiety.

For Crusade:
My financial partners know about my life up until the emergency that happened Oct 23rd and after. I have so much to tell them all and feel very thankful for their prayers and love. I love them back.

My sleep, excercise and eating habits are all questionable presently. They can't be qualified. They were put on hold for a month and are there only to serve as a reminder of how I don't take super great care of myself (there's the word for you). I'm in process and I need Jesus big time.

Taking a day with the Lord is what I most want to do in the world right now. I miss God's perspective on all of this and have felt myself switch onto autopilot and trust God's words that tell me He is with me always and that he will never leave nor forsake me. Autopilot is, however, not where I prefer to be. I'm being honest though. In the past my days with the Lord have been so refreshing and happy. We eat muffins and drink coffee (no seriously) and then I read and write and read and thank God for all of the blessings he has provided that I can tend to forget when I'm treading and sleeping on unfamiliar ground.

There you have it. Y'all may be asking y'allselves, "What the Bishkeck is she talking about?" My response: "What is Osh do you think I'm talking about?" I mean really.